Sunday, June 29, 2003 :::
I just woke up... from a dream.
It was the first time ive ever dreamt like this... Ive never dreamt of Tina, save a few times, but espically not recently.
Just now, I did. I had a dream, that was a jarbled mess. All I wanted to do was be with Tina, and she was there, by my side, but Robert and Kai kept running into rooms and locking themselves, and Tina kept pestering them to get out... All I wanted was for her to just come back to the game room with me. Also, while this was happening, a chat log was running through my head.
"You lost the message? How the hell could you lose it?" "I dont know! It just popped up!" "Where the hell did it go? It was on the computer, it didnt just dissapear!" "I dont know sir!" "How the hell can you not know?! You're the one who clicked it!"
The whole time, it was Panic, fear, relaxation... I was with Tina at the begining, and it was pure bliss, just being beside eachother, and then it was panic and confusion as Robert and Kai kept running around switching rooms and locking them...
I'll fly with you.
Saturday, June 28, 2003 :::
I went to a LAN party earlier, where I owned at Starcraft then got my ass kicked at Counter-strike. Only fair, ive been playing the former for a while,
But thats not the point. I just got a weird spam e-mail. It starts out like this: Hello Toddie Oakes,
bubbly bubbly -betchawishyaknew@hotmail.com- has sent you a "help you" card from
http://www.imood.net. It then gives me a link to Pick Up the card. In it is a very weird picture that looks like it was drawn in paint, and a message.
The Picture is one big pink blog with a yellow and green head, four feet, and it looks like two people hugging. And as for the message,
To Toddie Oakes,
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
From,
bubbly bubbly Theres very few people with that writing style, and even fewer who would call me Toddie. Im going to guess Tina, since shes the only one who would write those words, but i doubt thats right. Its description tells me
A "help you" card is a card sent to someone who needs to be heard by a
loved one, and Josh has been complaining to me how Im going crazy, but i dont really care. Come to think of it....
It could be anyone, but still those words sound like Tina's... or maybe its just me.
I'll fly with you.
4:36 Sunday, 6/29 edit: the four I supposed, excluding Tina, have all denied it. Shes the only one left.
Friday, June 27, 2003 :::
"Holy crap, did you lose weight in your sleep?" Jordan exclaimed.
Yesterday, Thursday, at 10:20, Kai and Robert decided to wake me up before they came over. at 11:20, they finally arrived.
We met up with Jas, made a visit to Chic-Fil-A, brought something back for Herb, then about 2:30 we got dropped off at mountasia.
From there the nostalgia continued as my thoughts revolved around what Ive been trying to keep my ming off of, and I played several rounds of DDR. I was very sweaty, and then we went to the mall, where they promptly ditched me at gamestop. I didnt notice till I was $1 short of Saga Frontier II, so I got the origional instead. After reading the reviews, i dont know... I might return it.
We met back up with Chase at Mountasia, and played some more DDR. Damned Robert passed Twilight zone... im next. I got really close to passing it... That and Sakura on Oni.
We ate at Pepper Chino's, where the nostalgia factor flew up again. I wish Tina woulda been there...
Then we went to see a movie, The Italian Job. Kick ass movie. Yet again, the nostalgia was skyrocketing halfway through the movie, espicallly when half the movie theatre was asleep (it was a 10:10 showing) and I was the only one laughing.
We went back to Chase's, where Robert fell asleep, and me, Jordan, and Chase Asshatted him while Scott (asian) watched Family guy.
We fell asleep around 3:30-4:30, and woke up around 1 (tho i was awake since 11:30). I had many weird dreams, involving animals, which i can only recall one scene where I was near where i am right now, but everything was much bigger, and this one kid trained a squirrel to bring him nuts, and nuts for the squirrel too.. he named him Chihiro... then i woke up and said to my self, "Tina, i wish you were here, i miss you", and im still boggeled how a squirrel named Chihiro reminded me of Tina...
But besides that, I had Pancakes, and Jordan noticed what I noticed earlier, "Holy shit, did you just lose weight overnight?!"
Yeah... if i was an A cup before, im definately a AA now. So much for cross-dressing.
I wonder if Tina will be changed when she comes back... i wonder if she'll notice ive changed. She might be more Tanned, maybe lost a lil weight herself... I cant wait.
The internet seems stable now. Im gonna have to do something with Josh and Jennifer this weekend. Im going to finish Love hina volume 9 then mow the lawn, there might be a party later.
I'll fly with you
Thursday, June 26, 2003 :::
Ah ha ha, my internet is UP, but blogger isnt, so the date is Wed, 6/25/03 at 11:00PM
Blah.
Internet was out this morning, so i read two whole volumes of the Love Hina manga, back to back. The feeling of nostalgia is starting to go away as the new characters are introduced. Im sure once Keitaru gets back onto Naru it will become more nostalgic.
Today, I was forced to walk to Ku's house, where I met up with Lex at the door, we pushed Ku and Jas into the car, and off to mountasia. I played alot of DDR, 1 round with Chase, who we managed to find there. And the other four rounds i played with this one girl, whom ive never seen before, I think Christy was her name. Shes kinda cute, but came with her "friend" (I say boyfriend) and was much too short for me.... She whomped me on alot of songs, but i got my revenge on A, R3 (the second time we played it), and some other song. We were both really tired by the end (as Lex put it, I looked like a "sponge"), and departed mountasia at the same time. I left and went home with chase, after we dropped Ku and Lex off at the mall.
They refused to leave us, but as I put it, "If i were with Tina, id be joyous to take the oppertunity", and Jas related and agreed, "I would too!". So, we convinced them to go.
I got home, and the internet has been off and on. I think its having a fit.
Tuesday, June 24, 2003 ::: Edit: Pardon my stupidity, i should have researched latin roots. "a" on "apathetic" means "without". Forgive me, and please dont kill me Kai for being an ingoramous =P As for more boring randomness:
Ive always wondered, why are the words apathetic and indifferent spelled so much like words that have no similar meaning? They both mean having little or no interest or concern and I interchange them often out of astheticness.
Indifference has many more meanings in itself, most of them summarized by marked by impartiality or that does not matter one way or the other. It is used for both meanings often. However, it is spelled alot like different, which means partly or totally unlike in nature, form, or quality or not the same: as, or most importantly, unusual.
Apathetic is spelled like pathetic, yet the latter means having a capacity to move one to either compassionate or contemptuous pity. However, also according to Merriam-Webster, pathetic can mean marked by sorrow or melancholy.
It can be argued that people who are indifferent may be unusual, as their mind is not made up, and if the choice appears, they cannot take either path without making up their mind. People who are apathetic are said to be withoutmarked by sorrow or melancholy, but i have never seen an apathetic person in bliss, and I dont think im alone out there, so the opposite sure isnt true And, as I know well, people who are apatheic often have other people wanting them to make up their mind, in essence, they are not withoutmove one to either compassionate or contemptuous pity.
So, although the words are spelled differently, and have completely different meanings, often the indifferent are different at heart, and the apathetic, most often, not without pathetic [read: pity].
Thu Jun 05, 04:08:49 PM
Psy says:
I figure if be best off with a nerdy girl, actually, one who doesnt have much else to do but be with me, so when I kind of drift off, she follows.
I said that. I think, thats true. Thats the kind of girl i need. I posted that when I had no hope of getting a girlfriend, or at least I thoght it did. "A nerdy girl" doesnt exactly describe Tina, but listen to the rest, "one who doesnt have much else to do but be with me, so when I kind of drift off, she follows". Yeah, that doesnt sound like it describes Tina very well, but still, when I said that, I intended it being someone who wasnt already in my group of friends. And yet, when I drift off, she seems to follow. You can thank Love Hina for reminding me of that.
Mon Mar 31, 03:23:46 PM
Tina said on the bus today,
"You know, if you ever get a girlfriend, she's going to have to be the mushy type, the kind that's all over you". I dont know what to say to that. I guess, she was more right than she thought.
Tracing through my memories, of that last month between the banquet and the night before, I never really stopped liking Tina, but im wondering, where did I stop caring? I know at the banquet it was hard for me to get those words out, and although she tried to act happy for me, she really wasnt. I wasnt happy either, i just thought that if I saw her smile, it would make me feel better. like I made the right choice. I was content with myself, had gotten what I wanted, then I decided to follow my own given advice. Since it was summer, it didnt matter anymore, there was no one left. But still, where did I stop caring? I cant trace it down, at all. At A-Kon, i know the whole time I wanted to be with Tina, but I knew I had to stop caring about it so much. I guess, i never did stop caring about Tina. I liked her all along.
This week is going to be longer than I thought.
The internet has cut out on me. The time should be 9:05 PM, Monday, 6/23.
I was reading the Love Hina manga for most of today, already partway though Volume 5. Tina couldnt have been more true, this does remind me of well... me alot. And her too. Its kinda hard to relate it tho, as well Im not really like Keitaru and dont get into such weird situations. But with the people pushing Keitaru to admit his feelings, and the girls doing it for him, It seems alot like it. Actually, almost exactly like it, in basic plotline. I wouldnt have brought this up, but i just spotted a line describing Keitaru that seems to fit. "You know, He isn't too masculine, sometimes." Im not exactly the most masculine man on earth either (well hell im built with thin arms and big legs, who does that remind you of? =P), but its ok.
Later today, I also decided to pay Ku a visit, to return his wireless keyboard adapter and get myself some money back, of which i got $10/$26. He still owes me $16.
When I got there, I noticed something. Jas said "Oh man, I'm so drunk" for a while, I thought they were kidding, but they werent. Tolerable, i guess. Ku was the worst off, he was cracking really bad jokes that only Jas was laughing at. It was pretty bad; neither of them could drive the scooter in a straight line (I can), and also neither of them could remember how to make a pizza, so i ended up making it for them myself. It was pretty good, if you ask me (they seemed to approve) Turns out they had alot of tequila, which didnt turn out good once we decided to watch the Gladiator at Jas's. The movie was good, and by that time Jas had sobered up (mostly), but Ku was still drunk off his ass. He kept making weird comments, and wouldnt shut up about the incest theme. But eh, he started coming down off his high too, and became tolerable once we got back to his house. He got me my money, then we walked to the Conoco at the front of his neighborhood. I got me a Pepsi SI, which im drinking right now.
Also, Tina was describing something she saw in me the morning after. I didnt get it, until I saw the gladiator. I yelled out "So that's it!" when the emperor-wannabe-guy wanted a kiss from, of anyone, his sister (and I got stared at pretty weirdly by Jas and the still-drunk Ku). Although she only kissed him on his forehead, I saw the same thing I musta looked like in his eyes.
Tina comes back next monday. This is gonna be one long week. Oh well, Ill last.
Sunday, June 22, 2003 :::
"You're so sweet", or so both Lex and Amber (did) think of me. And of course, so does Tina.
"You're actually a pretty fun friend-guy-person" Or so Katherine (S) thinks so.
"You've heald the rope out for me so much" Josh says about me
"You're cool" several ppl say to me.
Those are only a taste of the actual compliments i'm getting lately, adding to the congratulations on 'hooking up', and all the sucess rates ive been having lately, being promoted in the Anime club, all the "Your party was fun" comments i got, the new friends I am ironically meeting in the middle of the summer, it looks like after almost three years in recession, things MIGHT just be going my way. I hope i didnt just jynx it.
Konogoro desu ureshinamida.
"Who the hell would do something like that?!"
"Mom, stop worrying, it doesnt matter."
Our tree got TP'd during the party, and my mom is really fretting over who could have done it. "Was it Thai? Herb?"
"No mom..." I know it was someone at our party, probibly Jas, Michelle and Holly, but i dont care. They sucked, there was three rolls stuck in the tree. I cleaned it all out, thanks to the help of Chibi (Josh), Craig, and Tina.
The day before my party, however, Jordan divorced himself from the anime club. Before he even found out that me and Tina were goin out, he excalimed "I crown you the new co-president of Anime Club"
"Who'm I co-president with?"
"Tina." What a monopoly. However, Who'm I to complain? Ill make Chase do some work, since I know i'll end up with it all (Procrastinator Tina to the rescue...)
I took it upon myself to meet one of the incoming freshmen, John. He will be in the anime club, but mainly I got to know him cuz i found a random blog link to him from Jennifer and he was into anime. Got to know him a bit.
Jennifer missed out on alot this week. Most of the news concens me, but once she gets back on I'll inform her of all the events she missed. And probibly some she wouldnt want to be at anyway (eh he he the morning after...)
And it looks like I'll be going on a double//triple date with Ku and maybe Rob one of these days.
Ku had Lex, but no one notified me until I found out on my own. Then, Kai got Robert about a week later. Now, I have Tina. Three couples *for now*.
All in all, i liked this week. Ive never felt better. Gosh I cant wait until Tina gets back...
Konogoro desu ureshinamida.
Saturday, June 21, 2003 :::
6:40PM- edit cause this post didnt make any sense at all. Thats what I get for writing at 3 AM.
LAN party goin on behind me, they're playing UT, and i cant seem to get the game from them. So, I might as well explain what has happened so far, before it slips my mind.
I was bored earlier today (friday), and chatted online then talked on the phone with Tina, which was interupted because she had to go. I was subsequently forced to help my cousin with her problems, all the while being IM stormed with ppl asking me useless questions. It didnt help, because I was trying to read the Love Hina manga Tina sucessfully forced me to read (finally). It was pretty good, but ive only got one volume read.
I tried to get some sleep, but my computer made too many dinging noises and food became a sudden priority.
After fufilling that urge, I tried my best to divert my attention to something, due to me missing Tina (having not seen her since the 'morning after', June 19th's morning will become dubbed). I cant remember what I did to get my mind off her, but Robert and Kai came first. Then followed Andrew, Craig, Alex, Josh, Ku, Michelle, Holly, Lex, Jas, not in that particular order. Almost too late Scott and his friend Chris (not Ku) arrived.
Lex tried to get friendly with everyone, and did a good job (well at least with me), I didnt feel awkword around her.
I was looking at Jas and Ku do something in the other room and went back to the game room to look out the window again when I find Tina sitting on the couch. I joined her quickly, and we didnt show much public displays off affection, or at least at first. I forced her//was forced here and there around the house, spent a lil time with Tina alone in my room (Rob and Kai stole our idea later, and Ku and Lex joined them at one point, the results were nothing short of hilarrious if what I hear is correct) Eventually Arielle came, and DDR became the main thing.
While Ku//Lex and Rob//Kai made out in front of everyone, shutting themselves off from the outside world, me and Tina just shook our heads in dissaproval. We got a little braver by the end of the evening, however. One of us sat down and the other leaned on that person (we switched off), and to quote Josh, we looked nothing short of "Cute together".
It seems that in that short time, While DDR was still on focus, me and Tina snuck back up to my room and stayed there for a while, fixing what was wrong with my yearbook and then just wishing that she didnt have to go. They sure were watching something strange in the other bedroom, we kept it low so no one heard us, but we did laugh occasionally at the strange noises coming from Ku and Jas's computers. I got Tina to stay thirty minutes past when she was supposed to go home, but knowing I wasnt going to get to see her for another two weeks due to her going on vacation, it was hard parting for me, and I think it was for her too. I think I can last. "Dont miss me too much :P"
I got back and everyone was surprised somehow, exclaiming I had dissapeared for over an hour and by the time I arrived back at my house after walking Tina home, no one even noticed I returned. Pfft some observers my party was.
Michelle, Holly, and Arielle left soon after, with not much happening. We havent done much since, a game of Day and Defeat maybe, and attempts to get starcraft working, however to disavail.
At one point I didnt even realize it, but I shed a tear of happiness. I wonder what sparked that, I have never done that before.
These will be a long two weeks, but I know I can last. I have a whole year to look forward to, two weeks are nothing.
Konogoro desu ureshinamida.
Friday, June 20, 2003 :::
"You're dillusional"
Chase got a little, okay REALLY mad for breaking it off with Amber. And of course, as expected, Amber wasnt too pleased herself. However, both me and Tina got a healthy full round of congratulations from everyone, on our part, I think we spread word fast enough.
But, can someone explain how Sherry has my blog address, much less how she got the news from THERE before Tina herself? Well, i appreciate the readers, but if you're going to read about my life you might want to join in- my AIM is WinToilet.
Yesterday, I got kidnapped by Chase and we went back to his house to play some Super Smash Brothers Melee before heading of to mountasia. There, I broke the news to Robert, and contantly complained to him how much I missed Tina, even though I hadnt been away from her a whole day yet. Chase wanted me to spend the night, but instead I vouched for home, and after some confusion, I got home and found out Tina missed me just as much.
I got the details sorted through about my LAN party tonight with everyone, and participated in what I see as a rather useless chat- Except that I dont remember Lex looking like that? Well, Ku got taste, i can give him that.
Tina makes me feel so good inside, i know I made the right decision.
But now, even when I think back, All the way through A-kon, I wanted to do nothing but be with Tina, and I was sad about it the whole time, but instead replaced her with Jennifer. It wasnt the same, but held me.
I started getting depressed about a week ago or more, and i couldnt figure out why, nothing made sense. Well, as I now have learned, its because this whole time I wanted to be with Tina.
Its the same for her. I wouldn't have had it any other way, because then things wouldnt have ended up like this.
Ah, my guinea pig Jet is kind of a reflection of me, me of him too. Tina kept complaining when I was making funny noises, comparing them to my guinea pig. But, now that I look at him, he purrs every time touches him and likes to curl up and rest with a hand on top of him. Hah, so my guinea pig is alot like me.
Jet really need a haircut... his hair is longer than mine. Plus his underside, he needs a bath too.
Thursday, June 19, 2003 :::
Ive never felt better in my life.
I could care less where I went yesterday. I went to Fry's, got me a 16 port switch and a 50ft network cable.
But, that doesnt matter to me. Im kind of screwed as it is right now, ill edit this later.
Kai posed the question online, "What if you had a chance at a real life relationship? Would you take it?" I answered "Yes, I would", but little did i know that in only a few hours my answer would be tested.
Amber had a bad day yesterday, so now I have the job of cheering her up. But Also last night, I found out why Tina was depressed.
It actually was because of me. She still liked me, and as I noticed right after she left my house that last time, I still did her. We liked eachother this whole time, but it never got across.
The people who tried to help, didnt do a very good job. I felt that she was just unavailible, and no matter how much I persued her, she wouldnt go out with me.
The people who tried to help her made her feel like I was someone who deserved shit, and she deserved much better than me. It might've been true at the time, but the ppl who tried to help only ended making us both depressed over eacother.
I talked with her last night. We got it all out, everything. Even she came clean this time, but some things I just cant do online anymore. I have to do them in person.
Tina came over at about 10 or so, and stayed until 11:40, whichafter I walked her home. To sum what happened, we made it official. I started it, and we both got into it, Shes now officially my girlfriend, me her boyfriend.
I wish i could have been happy with Amber, but I cant. She lives too far, and theres no way she can get closer, sure i can see her sometimes, but thats not enough for me.
Im sorry. Ive been wrong before, and maybe im wrong now, but Id rather be wrong and be like this than be right and be miserable. This while time, with Amber, I was never feeling fully well, sometimes I was depressed and I never knew why, now I do. I never felt what she felt for me. Everything I said to her I spoke with double meanings, my words so skilfully crafted that she mistook them for sweet words. Im sorry, but I cant fall in love with someone that much older than me. Every time I said I thought of "Amber", instead the one running through my mind was Tina.
Forgive me everyone.
Everything... geez. Im sorry, Amber, I liked you and all, but I cant go out with you. I want to thank you tho, for coming into my life, for giving me the experience I needed, thank you so very much. I wish you much better luck in the future, i hope someone comes into your life who is 10x better than I could ever be, you deserve someone like that.
I tried.
My LAN is this friday. At 6. Anyone who can read this is invited.
Wednesday, June 18, 2003 :::
Blah. Matt seemed to want to help me, and he did. He helped me some, made me realize that having a phyysical relationship isnt all that much better in reality, and talking to the person is what its all about. Which i seem to do to Amber alot already. On that note I discovered today that Kai had not seen Robert in four whole days. Blah!
Today wasnt all that exiting. I woke up to Amber's phone call just to discover that my playlist had dissapeared, and i had no backup of it. so, I decided that God hated me and decided "Its time for you to organze your 450 some unorganized MP3s!" So i did.
Thanks to the prefixes "DDR", "Techno", "Trance", and multiple songs by the same artist, I got it done in only 5 hours or so. I also reorganized my Electronic and Japanese folders into many subfolders, cuz they grew too big. The former into "New age", "Hard Trance", "Dance", "Techno", and "Trance", and the japanese into "Jpop", "Jrock", and "Anime". figure it out from there. I also created a new folder, "DDR".
Later, i managed to convince Kai to take me (and of course Robert) to blenders. We both got Passion Fruit, she got honeydew. She complained that Passion Fruit was too sweet, and hawked down hers in half the time it took me to ponder how she could have done it without her brain freezing over. I still had at least 2/3 of mine left. She should eat with Jennifer.
We went to pick Herb up at Sears, where I met up with long-time-no-see Joseph.
We all went back to Kai and Herb's house (minus Joseph, he didnt come with us), and played Life while i demonstrated Tournamix 4 to the innocent bystanders. We had a good game goin, but Kai had to take Robert home, and then we just medded with stepmania some more, and when she came back i reinstalled directX on her comp and went back outside to log on AIM and chat while downloading music. I dont know, im probibly getting a little less social myself. But i chat on AIM so much, i just contradicted myself. AGH!
Jennifer needs to get back from cello camp, im begining to miss//worry about her, she didnt seem very high in spirits when she left.
I gave Josh more advice on what to do today, thanks to my friend Matt. He probibly wont take the advice from me, and refused to settle for just telling his crush how he feels, instead of full blown asking her out. I believe thats the better way anyway.
Its better that way? Hah. Thats what I thought. Its not better that way, its better when you take control of your life and steer it in the direction you want it to go, acting upon your emotions instead of bottling them up. Even including anger, its better to let your anger out bit by bit than to bottle it up and let it out at once. Hah, its not better that way! that was only to convince myself that I was content how I was. Instead of the night sky being sad, the sun is joyous.
Deeraito no yorokobashii.
Tuesday, June 17, 2003 :::
Aww man... everyone is congratulating me for hooking up. The feeling is great, and Im still really happy, but still.
Everyone has a girlfreind that theyve done something with. I feel like that part is missing. Alot of ppl are hooking up with someone, Robert, Kai, Ku, even Jas, but that leaves vital people out. What about Chase? Tina? Jordan has his own little life... Josh? Spenn? They're all still out there. Im worse off than the former, but still better off than the latter.
I cant help but feel like this is a game and somehow ive landed in jail or something. However, still, this time, im actually in the game, and its much easier to get out of jail in a game than to start from scratch. And dispite my rants and raves about wanting to see Amber, still, this is the best ive ever felt.
Chase came over, and we visited Tina, but since he came too late, we only stayed outside her door and chatted for a while. Somethings wrong with her, but I cant pinpoint it. Shes missing something... and needs something... but its probibly out of my reach. Id help if i knew what to do.
After that, we stopped by Kai's house. Ding Dong. Herbert. "No Kai?" "Nope". On to Thai's house!
We stopped in there, Chase had to go pick up some people and left mighty quickly, so I watched Thai play some Fallout Tactics then we went to my house, where i installed it and my friends Chase, Jordan, and Josh met up with us. Jordan and Thai played with my airsoft gun alot, then Thai ran off to go to Drivers Ed.
Josh mentioned his crush, and Jordan tried for hours to pull it out of him, but to no avail. Later on, he gave up, and i told Chase who it was, jordan sleeping on my couch.
We all decided to go out somewhere, and after we chatted with Arielle to see if she agreed (which she didnt; she was at Liz's, her girl), we went off to blenders. I had a fun time sending the subliminal message "You like-a da pen is" to everyone around me.
We stopped into netzone only to find Chase had run out of hours, but the random bought pass on the counter hadnt, so we logged in and used the last 26 minutes it had on stepmania. Boy we had fun. Then we went out, and I got a gumball, then we headed for home. Chase dropped Jordan off at the front f the neighborhood- god knows where he went, probibly to see Krystal or however her name is spelled (his crush).
We dropped Josh off, and then we headed to my house, where I burned a copy of Stepmania for Chase, and he left. And now Im left with Tournamix 4 and a bunch of time. Im done being message bombed for tonight.
I never figured it would happen this way, not in a million years could I have seen this coming.
Deeraito no yorokobashii.
Monday, June 16, 2003 :::
She... I... I.... AHH!
Ive never felt so touched in my life. Amber asked me to tell her how i feel about her, so I started from earlier today.
Actually, ill say it to the readers instead.
For a long time, Ive had the urge to go up to someone i like, yell really hatefully, "I hate you!", then run off, fearing their reaction. I wanted desperately for someone to care about me.
But today, I was sitting on the couch, and Amber crossed my mind. I then thought the same thought, but the words morphed into "I love you".
That was the answer I gave her on how i felt about her. And, boy was it embarassing getting that out.
However, later, she said it straight out, and it even embarassed me to hear it, "I love you".
However, no one has ever touched me so much in my life. Ive never had anyone say anything of that effect to me before, but, that feeling of uncondcionable melancholy has gone away. No longer is the night sky sad.
Deeraito no yorokobashii.
Sunday, June 15, 2003 :::
I was just reminsicing in my unconscionable melancholy, the only thought when I went into my first high school year, besided "Woh, theres actually girls here!", seemed to be...
'I wonder if there's anyone who likes anime will be here'. I didnt see anyone my first weeks, or maybe I was more blinded by my crush.
But thats not the point. When did I get into anime, exactly? I tried to put it back to last spring break, but i was kind of disinterested in any anime i havent heard was really good, so i was mainly treating it like movies. Was that the spring break of 8th grade? I have memories of thoughts about anime, but i cant pinpoint them to an exact time. I guess, ill just go with when I got into Chobits, which was about a month before my freshman year started, or maybe a lil before that. But, oh!
Now that makes sense! I used to be a big gamer too, up until my freshman year started, but then i stopped. Ive always wondered why; no social life, not THAT much HW; what kept me? It was Anime, after all! So, that means... I might have been into anime the whole summer.
Yes... so that means that I got into anime about almost exactly a year ago. That makes sense.
Boy, i sure did prove the thought I came to school with. I had a feeling my freshman year would change me, and boy it did;drastically;- for the better. I guess im one lucky freshman.
But, with all that, why cant I shake this feeling of unconscionable melancholy? I should have everything I want... but I dont.
Im such a greedy bastard. Forgive me.
Im going to hang out with Chase and hopefully Tina tomarrow. Maybe//hopefully others.
I wish I could see Amber... I wish there was a way we could meet soon. Well, i guess ill just have to wait.
Yozora no kanashimi.
Saturday, June 14, 2003 :::
You know what, Id love to post on what we did. We bought airsoft guns, thanks to spenn, and Jas managed to shoot himself in the shaft.
But that doesnt matter. At first, I was depressed. I know, my life isnt going absolutely perfect, but still, its going well enough for me. However, for others, it isnt going so hot.
Tina decided to visit earlier, on the premise of grabbing her DDR pad and taking it back. She didnt want to go home, but thanks to the party going on *now*, she decided to leave. And she didnt want to worry her parents. She hasnt been feeling too high in spirits lately, and I took some wild guesses at what she needs. I think we need to include her when we hang out more often. Its mostly my fault, i have been excuding her because i thought she didnt want to be bothered. Forgive me, i will try to include her more often.
Not to mention the other Depressee, Josh. He seems to have a crush on a girl, and wants it go away, but has not a clue beyond that. Im going to think up some chance circumstances that will force him to realize that he has to get rid of this crush, and how.
I havent noticed any problems with the rest of our group- Spenn needs a girlfriend, but im afraid I cant do much about that.
Forgive me, for im not really good at giving advice or figuring things out, but when i know what needs to be done, I like to get it done. Low wisdom, but high will. That would be the D&D me. I wish Amber would log on... too bad shes not home...
Yozora no kanashimi
Friday, June 13, 2003 :::
Wow, i like the new format of blogger.
Anyways... I was feeling good today. And matter of fact, am feeling much better now.
Today was very interesting. A few friends of mine got invited over by Michelle.
Amber called first, and I talked with her. Then, while in our conversation, Chase spurted at my door, him, Andrew, and Jordan being silly at my door. They played a lil DDR, then Chase and Jordan dissapeared.
Andrew picked random scenes out of my Animatrix DVD, and we watched them. Then, he had to go, leaving me with no one. I chatted with Amber some more, then Jas and Robert showed up. Thankfully, Jas kept his shirt on while playing DDR, but Robert felt no restraint. We played DDR for a while, then we decided, 'hey lets go work out'. Robert brought some stuff over to my house (his new DDR pads and his PS2), and we went to work out at the YMCA. It appears I will be doing that part daily now.
Im not that bad, Rob was doin 15 on the curls, I was doin 25, then 20, and Jas was doin 30. I tried out random machines, and espically liked the weird rowing machines and the leg curls.
We came back to my place, and Robert set up his PS2 and then we built his new pads. That was interesting, like a gigantic puzzle that refused to fit inside the pad. Well, we got it in.
Playing on them was fun, the soft foam is awesome, however, i realized my legs were much too tired to do any more, from the DDR Marathon yesterday (wednesday), and more DDR and the workout today (thursday).
While doing all that, i didnt want to admit it, but I actually did miss Amber and wanted to talk to her... but she was at work, so nothing could be helped. She got back early, and well, we had some interesting conversation, *cough* finishing what we started last night.
*Sigh* Kai is aparently visiting us early, around 9 or so she said. I expect 10. Its me and Robert, who is *poke* asleep on the couch behind me.
Off to bed i got to go now, fun was had today. Spenn is taking us all somewhere tomarrow (friday) at 4.. I wonder where we're gonna end up?
Random party, to which the invitee did not show up, DDRfest, working out, long chats. My day was fun.
Its better that way.
Wednesday, June 11, 2003 :::
I get to borrow fifth mix for a while, but for now, my side hurts, so ill type at my water break.
Yesterday, was fun. It all started with Josh pestering me about Ku and Jennifer heading somewhere at three. I called Jennifer, and we all got online; Ku and Jennifer had no clue what Josh was talking about.
Me, Jennifer, and Josh all ended up going to Best Buy (by my request), then to the Mall. I bought the Animatrix, a Metallica CD my mom requested, and Tekken 2 thanks to some money Josh lent me. We then went to Ku's house, where he took the longest ass time cleaning and calling Tina to get some DDR pads (since I cant call her anymore, less she picks up).
We managed to get back to my house and set up the fifth mix, with the two crappy pads (mine and ku's) Intermittantly we beat eachother, but overall, I think i beat him more.
After another call to Tina's (Thankfully she picked up this time), we managed to get her pads over to my house. Already adding to our Gigantic party in my small game room: Jennifer, Josh, Ku, Me, Tina; A pollack showed up at my door. He showed me his AirSoft, then shushed me so he could peg Ku with it. I got pegged twice myself, one red mark remains. Ku and Jas insisted on playing shirtless. I need more stamina!
Jennifer took Josh home at about nine, and Jas followed on his Electric scooter. Tina stayed for a while, while a really tired and stamina-lost me attempted to beat her at DDR, and to my avail, no luck on anything except when she couldnt take Hot Limit, my secret weapon ;)
Ku put his shirt on and we all walked Tina home, and managed to get her there before 10, then we both hung out in the park, thankfully Ku kept his clothes on and simply did weird poses at cars while I tried doing things I normally cant do (swing here, climb up this)
Me and Ku got back to my house, and ordered some Pizza. More DDR, I beat him every song. (Some not by much tho). Pizza came, I had one hell of a time getting Animatrix to work, and we watched that until his dad came to get him at 12:45. He took his Ps2 and one of Tina's pads, leaving his own as a really dirty "collataral" present. Mine also managed to get an equal amoung of dirt on it somehow. All three pads are completely different (Arcade-sized w/ padding, arcade w/o padding, small w/o padding), so doubles isnt possible.
My favorite song (which i cant play most of the time unless im really hyper): God of Romance. Boy meets girl
It happens all the time
Suddenly it hits you, with no reason or rhyme
Fall in love
Do you believe in miracles?
Listen to the god of romance! Did they go back in time and decide to write a song about me of all people? Oh, here, let me explain.
Boy meets girl, It happens all the time Ive only seen Amber once, at A-kon. Suddenly it hits you, with no reason or rhyme Ive talked to her many times, she bought a phone card just so she could call me. Fall in love, do you belive in mericales? We're already worse than Robert and Kai are, I wonder what will happen when we meet up again?
Listen to the "God of Romance". Damned you Matt and your long distance relationships... now im hooked.
Its better that way
Tuesday, June 10, 2003 :::
I saw somewhere once, it said: "Being in love in one thing, but being loved is a whole other thing".
And, the more I watch this happening around me, the more I am dragged into it, the more I think to myself, "Whoever said that, is right".
Yeah...
Its better that way.
Monday, June 09, 2003 :::
err, so much has happened... I guess i'll just omit anything before today.
I was talking to Amber, as I do now, then while I was taking a shower, Kai and Marin came over. Then, Jas soon followed. We swam a bit, then we all took a biking/scooter/roller blading trip over to Marins house, then visited Tina, and took her back to my house. We chatted more, then she took her DDR pads back (I borrowed them to play 5th mix... AWESOME. My fav song is Hot Limit!)
Soon after she left, Chase came and we all went to his house. It was me, Chase, Katherine, Jas, Ku, Michelle, Scott to begin with. Then, Chase left to pick up some ppl from summer school. Scott (Asian dude) and Spenn randomly dropped by.
Chase brought back Jordan and Robert. We all played Four Square for a while at chase's, then back inside or something... Kai left, along with Scott, Ku, Michelle. We messed around, then ate, then climbed a tree (i can walk up a tree now!), then we all decided to go to the mall. Spenn and Scott drove. Scott is cool, I hung out with him.
It was me, Scott, Spenn, Jas, Robert, Jordan, Chase. We all went to the mall, went in random shops (i go a foot massage at Brookstone), then decided to go to mountasia. We all met there, and played DDR. I was sweating so badly, i got my sweat line down from my chest (prevoius limit) to my stumach (the bottom!). I musta lost alot of weight... wowee. DDR is giving me really big leg muscles. My goal is to beat So Deep. Its such a hard nine step song.. im gonna have to work out alot just to get my stamina that high. But thats my goal =)
My fat is going away, and Michelle seems to be obsessed with my stumach. I have really hard abs, but under a small layer of fat, so its really weird. Oh well, at least everyone has pointed out im getting skinnier, Michelle espically =)
Jordan seems to think I have a crush on Jennifer. For some reason, I have become mostly indifferent to that whole subject. AHH its like im following Tina's footsteps! On that subject, I think that Josh is following in my former shadow. I wish i could remember the one thing that got me out of that path... but i cant. Sorry Josh... only time can cure it.
Overall, the day was fun. Im getting skinnier, but for some reason my face is getting uglier. Blar... im amazed (and a little glad) that no one else has noticed. At this rate... gnar!
Out of nowhere, Spenn decided today that he needs a girlfriend. Im going to agree with him, but take it for myself. I dont know tho, im probibly still kinda a scary person when it comes to that. I guess its exactly like I said, I need a girl who has nothing better to do than to be with me. But, since im such a weirdo, she needs to like being close to me. I know im weird, kissing isnt the primary thing i want to do like almost every other couple I see, I just like snuggling and that. Yeah...
Its better that way
You are the brunette, with an amazing personality. You like to have fun, fit in with the crowd, and are more often than not you look your best no matter what you are wearing! Your only down side is you can be a bit stubborn in your ways, so lighten up and listen to others once in a while.
31/42 on english, 50/52 on math.
Well, wow. Those are my TAKs scores. I did above standard on english, and commended on math. That pretty much reflects my future dreams too,
To become a game developer.
Why I share this with you now is unknown. The Chii I met at A-kon, Amber, and I, have gotten pretty close since A-Kon. She even bought a phone card for the sole peropuse of calling me =)
We've talked twice.
And, as a side note, Im kinda sick of playing stupid.
Its better that way.
Friday, June 06, 2003 :::
I wasnt lieing on my last post. However, nothing happened concerning that. Or did it?
First, what happened.
Today, I managed to call Tina. First time, "She not home" Second time "She not home". a minute later, "Brring!" It was her.
We carried out a conversation, then we hung up and continued online, and ill just say it was Weird.
Robert and Kai sparatically entered and exited my house as they wished. Tina wants me to kick them out when that happens, but I really dont mind it.
Ok... drifting off... Back on topic!
We met at my house, and then went to Fuddruckers. We means Ku, Jas, Spenn in one car, Robert Me, Tina, Jennifer in the other. Robert switched to Spenn's car after we got to Fuddruckers. (Drifting off again)
Ok, after that, we went though the mall. We got to gamestop, met up with Chase and Jordan. They dissapear, and we go to Mountasia for more DDR. I sucked today. I blame it on the sandals.
Then we picked up Jordan and Chase, and Ku, Jas, Tina, Jennifer departed. They managed to end up playing DDR at Tinas till 10 (Jelousy...)
We then went to Spenn's house, Craig came. We messed around a bit, then me, Jordan, Chase, robert went home. Craig stayed.
Cant let it get to me...
Anyway, somewhere along the way, Jennifer's necklace and my talking about Mountasia tuesday brought back a memory. Did I post it when it happened?
I dont know what to do... i feel kinda depressed... i hope it goes away. This is starting to get to me...
But i cant be a bother! I dont want to burden other people with my problems... no... cant.
Ill leave it at that. sorry if this post seems unfinished,
Its better that way.
Thursday, June 05, 2003 :::
Psy says:
I figure if be best off with a nerdy girl, actually, one who doesnt have much else to do but be with me, so when I kind of drift off, she follows.
I said that. I think, thats true. Thats the kind of girl i need.
The moral of Onegai Teacher:
In order to be truely happy, one must experience sadness.
The moral of Chobits:
Love is not bound to humans alone.
The moral of Evangalion:
Dont run.
The moral of Cowboy Bebop:
Dont leave things in the fridge.
I hope i didnt lie...
Got bored today. While talking to Jennifer, i decided, Lets go somewhere!
She agreed, so we tried to gather Tina and Halley and go to Fazoli's. No dice, those two werent home. So, Jennifer tried Jill. No dice with her either. So, we just went without them.
Fazoli's is pretty good. Jennifer, yet again, managed to devour her food in half the time I did... I wonder if im interesting to watch eat? I tried not to be too messy.
Among the sparks of conversation, I found out many things about her. I reccomended that she should not go to restaurants alone, for fear of other people like me (read yesterdays post if you dont recall what I do sometimes). And, even creepier, not all of them are my age.
I mentioned why I didnt want some certain people to come. Its because, last time I went with a girl and a couple, it ended up being a double-date situation... and that didnt end too well... I also mentioned how she would be the last person I would want that to happen with...
We got some gas, and then I invited Jennifer in, and she got to see my guinea pig and we watched the first episode of Rose of Versailles. It wasnt too great, but oh well.
We had fun today, since it seems thats all im gonna do in the day.
Josh: "You REALLY need a girlfriend. BADLY."
Eh, lifes pretty fun right now.
(Did anyone catch the '...' hint? Im not gonna repeat that)
Bleh, it was all fun. I hope the rest of my summer is like this.
Im probibly going to keep my hair growing out. See how that looks.
Its better that way.
Tuesday, June 03, 2003 :::
Yesterday, I called Tina. She had to go, then sparatically came over with Sarah, and i got my Naruto CDs back, and Tina took her white CD case back.
Then Thai and Herb stopped by. They screwed around downstairs, then went back to Thai's house, and I came over shortly after to play some DDR.
Then i went to Jas's LAN party. Went to bed early, Ku decided to fuck with my comp. Im gonna have to kick his ass.
Got home somehow, then went to Mountasia for ten buck tuesday earlier today. I didnt get my moneys worth in DDR, but it was worth it overall.
I got a chance to see Ohm again (i think thats how you spell it). Hes a good DDRer i met earlier this year, asian (Korean my guess).
Overall, there was this asian chick that was just beating the crap out of 9 step songs and bustin up on Max300. So, of course, i did what I had to do.
Propose to her. Of course, "No". "Ok then", and we just stood side by side for a while, then she moved on to the other arcade machines. she was only 14 anyway.
Then, this blonde haired white girl decided to do the same thing. She came with a lesser, yet huge as hell white guy. And, of course, i said "Oh screw this", and did the only thing i could.
Take her home. I just picked her up, and said "Alright, im sick of this, you're coming home with me". I carried her out of mountasia, then the big dude followed us all the way. I set her down for a sec right before the parking lot, proclaimed i was just kidding to both of them, then carried her back in. She was almost 18, and resides right next to the Space Center. She figured she would get her money's worth. Heh.
Overall, besides those two girls, i made friends with Ohm, some mexican-looking guy who wears a hat, and probibly the Big dude too, assuming he didnt take me too seriously.
Its better that way.
Sunday, June 01, 2003 :::
A-Kon was a blast!
To start it off, i got bored after i finished my final on friday. I left the classroom, and found myself in the back of the Fina Arts building. so, i talked to Jill and Sarah (Jennifer's friends) until Halley came, cuz the bell rang.
I got on the bus, and followed the plan. I hung out at Tina's for a while, then a lil before noon we came here.
Got mad at Ku on the phone ~a few times~, me and Tina were so bored we -almost- fell asleep.
Anyway, we got on our way. Trip there, my car was Me, Ku, Jas, Tina, Michelle, with Ku's dad driving. Bah I hate his dad as a driver! He always drifts onto the shoulders and stops in the middle of roads sometimes.
We got to the Kon late that night, about 8:30. I dont recall what we did... I wasnt in my outfit yet. I got back to my room early, didnt go to bed, got in my Miroku outfit as soon as Tina got back to the hotel and demanded it of me.
Overall I did alot of Jennifer-Protecting. Jas, Ku, and Robert really seemed to like to 'touch' her, espically in their Yatta costumes. More on that in a sec...
That night, the guys tried on their Yatta costums. Japanese music video, they all dance out on the stage in nothing but Tightie whities and a fig leaf. I was the only one who didnt get any sleep.
Next day was the funnest. We got to the convention early, went though the registration line, then It started. Along the way, I did much Jennifer protecting (me, Josh, and Jennifer split from the group and hung out, cuz Ku, Jas, Chase, Jordan, and Robert were walking around in Yatta, along with Kai.)
Michelle, Alex, Andrew, and Craig I saw surprisingly little of. Most of the time I was... err no... ALL of the time I was with Jennifer, most of the time I was with Tina and Josh.
To sum up Saturday, We went to the dealers room, Me, Jennifer, Josh. We bought tons of stuff, Lots of pictures were taken of me in my Miroku outfit, some with other ppl, most not.
Then, one girl came up and grabbed my ass. "Hey, you stole my role! Now i'm gonna have to return the favor", and I took a nice long feel of her ass. Its pretty nice. I felt that same girl up several times later, and i felt some others, none of them minded much, as they all knew my role. Then, we met up for lunch, and I spotted a really cute Sango, and went up to talk to her. then, the round one dressed as Inuyasha, Josh, came and said "If you pat this one, im going to kill you!" I followed his orders that and the next three times i met her, but the fourth time, i thought the round of pictures with her was done, then BAM kai snapped a shot right after my hand shifted south of the border.
Ah it was really fun being Miroku. So many pictures taken of me, so many people gave me hugs. One person that hugged me, oh, about three or four times started speaking japanese randomly. She sounded so cute! But her parents were right there, so I didnt want to do anything to her.
I managed to get two girl's AIM names. One was a Dark Chii i met up with, her friends ditched her for food, her name was Amber. We talked with my friends for a while, then went and talked to the other Inuyasha group (the one with the Sango i patted), and I left her with them. The second was that same Sango, after I departed from her I realized "Oh shit! shes so cool, im not going to see her again! I need her AIM name!!!". So i got it. Bleh =p
Saturday was Fun Shopping Day! Sunday, I saw Fruits Basket with Tina and Jennifer. I didnt want to mention it to the guys, but it is so funny! I didnt realize how funny it was! Most of the funny parts involve shounen-ai though... but its still really funny!! I think i watched episodes 13-19 or something. Funny as hell!
Jennifer's dad is really cool. Id say I need to hang out with Jennifer more, but i dont think thats possible. So, on with life!
Its better that way.
