Thursday, November 14, 2002 :::
Why is stalking scary? Because stalkers alter fate.
Lets say you're admiring a girl from afar during lunch. If someone goes up to her and steals her purse, you're not going to go back to talking to your friends. No, a normal person would get up and walk, no, run over to the situation and fix it. Therefore, instead of letting the event progress, the person alters fate.
Next, the girl will of course be couteous and say "Thank you", but she of course doesnt mean it. Face it, her purse was stolen, and some guy, across the cafeteria noticed and fixed the situation before anyone close did. That would trigger any train of throught, and en route is of course the conclusion you were staring at her.
You continue to stare at her, eventually she will notice you. Her friends find out, and depending on her friends, she may just stay away from you, others, will come up to you and tell you to stop.
It's my life. My mind. I'll do what I want with it, and if the road just happens to pass by the same person, well by golly gee, it will. Damnit why should I have to change for another's cowardice and ill-forgivness?!
Thursday, November 07, 2002 :::
DAMNIT! She said no =(
Well, thats beside the point at the moment. I got a cold. And funny thing is, i know exactly how.
Monica was telling me about her day during idle time in Orchestra, as always. She explained that she woke up late, fell asleep doing Biology HW, and when she woke up she didnt have much time, so she ran out the door, found her shoes, then got on the bus barefoot.
I then said, "Yeah... least your day wasnt as bad as mine"
"Why?"
"I got turned down"
She then changed her voice from her normal excited/anxious to sad: "Oh. I'm sorry..."
I then felt bad (!!!) and soon shrugged my shoulders in a "Oh well" fashion.
I felt like pointing out "THAT'S THE VOICE IM TALKING ABOUT!"
(Note: She has a lisp due to her braces, and i gave her some advice to just stop talking so anxiously she wouldn't have it. But, the real reason I didnt point it out was because it would be kind of a 'sexy' voice, used in every day fashion. Its amazing how alike sexy and sorrow are)
Well, the (!!!) is when my immune system went down.
And on other news, I need a girlfriend. BADLY. Dreams, preminitions, and daydreaming are affecting my grades now. If i dont get one, nothing will be good.
So i need a girlfriend. Any volenteers can e-mail me at psydude256@hotmail.com PLEASE DO! Oh... and... no gays. I'm straight. sorry.
Wednesday, November 06, 2002 :::
I should have committed suppuku.
I didnt ask Lauren out monday. She wasnt there yesterday. But she was today. And by golly gee, thank god I had not commited Suppuku, because I did it! Long conversation. I'll reiterate.
Last night, me and Chris (Sides) talked. Eventually it got to the point where he threatened to tell Lauren I was a wuss and couldn't ask her out. I simply put it, "If you do, i won't try to stop you."
Today, at the begining of geometry,
"So, should I?"
"I wont stop you if you do."
Lauren comes in.
"Hey, my friend Todd here wants to ask you out but is too much of a wuss to do it"
"I didnt say NOW!"
"Too late. You going to stalk her now?"
"(NO STALKING)" Lauren muffled. I didnt here.
"No."
Me and Chris talked about it over lunch, and come the end of class, I wait beside the door for Lauren. Chris comes out, and pauses, silently introducing Lauren and backing off to let me know to 'do my thing'.
"So, Lauren..."
"Yeah?"
"Will you... go out with me?"
"I need to think about it"
(Let her slip ahead) "Okay, I can do that."
Chatted with Chris silently until she slipped away, then increased volume.
And now I wait.
But one side note, she responded very calmly as if she was completely expecting that. That means she thought ahead. I like that type of person.
That type of person is me.
You are Laguna! Although you're way too shy with the opposite sex, you've got a heart of pure gold. You're a good leader and well liked by those who know you. Most of your friends look to your good sense when they need advice.
Friday, November 01, 2002 :::
Today was F*CKING FUN!
Well okay maybe not.
Katherine is mad, no, furious at me. Her freind told me she cried, at lunch. I went to go tell her sorry after 4th period, but "No, Just stay away!" and she ran off.
That put me into a mental state that changed my previous one. After lunch after class I was going to ask Lauren out.... but didn't happen.
At the begining of Mr. Markuson's speech during orchestra I got called down to Ms. Bourgois (Boo-jwa) and after a while of waiting she talked with me that Katherine (she never mentioned her name, but I knew it was her) had come and talked to her earlier. She didn't get me in trouble, but she did inform me that it is possible to get in trouble for it. She explained everything that was going on, and I was honest about my side of the story. When I said the word "Stalk" she almost jumped like it was forbidden. In any case I pulled the main points out of it.
Aparently Katherine never told her friends to tell me anything. But she did say that it was possible it could have happened. She also told me that Katherine doesnt feel anything to me, I guess ive been ignoring that (?). And also Ms. Bourgois knows all about the e-mails (aparently one of them was nasty or something.... maybe I needa go through them again), but she was glad to know there was no wrong touching going on (Like I have the guts?!). I figured out, on my way back, out of boredom, that she must have done it fifth period.
THE ONLY good thing that came out of it was that I missed mr. markuson's boring speech. Woot?
Later that day, near the end of Anime Club, I asked Jennifer (Junior) out. She said "Uh... not really" I thanked her for being honest and shook her hand before she left. I later saw her in the Orchestra room- no hard feelings.
If desperation is good, then maybe I got two good things ouit of it. But now, im desperate for a girlfriend. Im willing to ask out almost anyone that doesnt violate my rules (No fatter than me and cannot be uglier than me).
And lastly, I believe Katherine has this address. Be it so, if she wants to turn the tables and stalk ME, im not one to complain.
